the world is so big
Jun. 21st, 2026 07:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seaglassgardenthis past winter, my favorite podcast network, ranged touch, released a free bonus episode for their podcast about genre fiction. the episode is about a christmas-themed murder mystery hallmark movie, but it goes off the rails after they discover a hilarious string of projects on a contributor’s imdb page. it’s one of my favorite podcast episodes because of its chaos, but what stuck with me about it was something one of the hosts said in response to their unexpected deep dive: “the world is so big”
that’s been such a comfort to me since then. the world is so big. there are huge expanses of information i haven’t learned. there are too many people in the world to meet, or even imagine meeting. the history of human creativity spreads endlessly in all directions. there is expertise everywhere, depth in everything, nuance in every possible topic, limitless complexity to all people.
whenever my world feels too small, too constrained by the petty details of my current heartbreak or my past trauma, too boxed in by an anxiety i can’t seem to shake or an ocd compulsion i can’t get out of, i remember: it is always an option to turn to the hugeness of the world and make my own life a little bigger.
i have a tendency to shrink my world down to make it easier to manage. i focus intensely on my desire for one (unattainable) person, or i put off things i want to do out of fear of doing them wrong. i have a history of playing it safe. other people’s lives seemed to go off on so many tangents, and i resented myself for not being able to compare. im learning not to do that anymore—both the resentment and the habit of barricading my life in one small, predictable room.
my life is bigger now. ive become part of an online friend group that’s everything ive been dreaming of since i was a teenager trying to find a digital home. i discovered that there’s a covid-safe group in my area, so ive been able to safely meet new people for the first time since the pandemic began. ive let myself be influenced by passions of my new friends, and ive discovered so many new things as a result.
it’s a struggle, learning to let my life take a more complex shape.
but the world is so big. and my life is growing to meet it.
that’s been such a comfort to me since then. the world is so big. there are huge expanses of information i haven’t learned. there are too many people in the world to meet, or even imagine meeting. the history of human creativity spreads endlessly in all directions. there is expertise everywhere, depth in everything, nuance in every possible topic, limitless complexity to all people.
whenever my world feels too small, too constrained by the petty details of my current heartbreak or my past trauma, too boxed in by an anxiety i can’t seem to shake or an ocd compulsion i can’t get out of, i remember: it is always an option to turn to the hugeness of the world and make my own life a little bigger.
i have a tendency to shrink my world down to make it easier to manage. i focus intensely on my desire for one (unattainable) person, or i put off things i want to do out of fear of doing them wrong. i have a history of playing it safe. other people’s lives seemed to go off on so many tangents, and i resented myself for not being able to compare. im learning not to do that anymore—both the resentment and the habit of barricading my life in one small, predictable room.
my life is bigger now. ive become part of an online friend group that’s everything ive been dreaming of since i was a teenager trying to find a digital home. i discovered that there’s a covid-safe group in my area, so ive been able to safely meet new people for the first time since the pandemic began. ive let myself be influenced by passions of my new friends, and ive discovered so many new things as a result.
it’s a struggle, learning to let my life take a more complex shape.
but the world is so big. and my life is growing to meet it.
no subject
Date: 2026-06-22 04:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-06-23 07:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-06-23 11:50 pm (UTC)I hope that, someday, I can try to do the same.
past the horizon and into the ocean
Date: 2026-07-03 09:00 am (UTC)and oooo that's a really nice way of looking at it! i know i've kinda felt a similar way re: boxing myself in and just making the world what i can see/touch immediately, but usually when i've thought of the world being wide it's more anxiety inducing like "oh my god there's so much i need to rush" but i want to work to reframe it this way because yeah, it's nice to know that sometimes we are just little specs with histories linking our molecules, floating along together in this wide world
and i'm really happy to hear that your world is expanding, because yeah, it's difficult, but also fun in it's own way, y'know?